Today was an emotional day for me AGAIN. I hate it when I feel emotional. I can’t help but feel sad about everything. I felt that I have been avoiding my issues and keeping them aside by looking for other things to sooth my emotions. As this point in time, I would say that this is all I can do to keep myself sane. Half glad that I am going for an interview tomorrow, and half feeling low because I have to go back to the corporate world which I have decided 2 years ago that it is not my cup of tea.
Went out with the guys and realise how much I have been bottling up inside. Who can understand how I feel? The only people that I can be grateful too are my family and a few close friends. But like I saw, at the end of the day, I need to settle my emotional side myself. There’s no one there to help me. Am I able to break the norm? I want to see myself in another dimension, where people can’t see and that I only believe in myself.
Everything that I have been through for the past months, are really unimaginable. I have never had so many incidents in a short half a year. Even stopping work and to move on to pursue my dreams were not taking me a toll as compared to the past months. I am sad that I have to go through them, but at the same time, I am glad that it allows me to grow mature and to look at things differently.
All I ask for is a simple life now. I do not want any more bad experiences or dramas in my life anymore. I guess I have also look at life as an experience and told myself that life is all about learning. But, after so many years, I think I have had too much and I am almost unable to stand up anymore. I no longer know or how to find a simple life. Am I wrong to ask for such a life in the past? I have lost the sense of living on earth. Excuse me, but I am not ending my life. I just felt that I do not understand what the reason is for us human beings to be born on earth and to go through all these hardships. What is it that we are looking for? It is definitely nothing physical that we are looking for. It is definitely something knowledgeable or spiritual. Me saying the word spiritual? Haha…
I know it is stupid to sulk over my past and to keep looking back at what I have lost or rather, what i have not gain. Is it wrong of me to ask for things that I felt I deserve since I have put in so much effort in? Sometimes, I really do not understand anything anymore.
