Life. What is life to me now? Nothing, blank, darkness. In every negative way it is, life is pretty much meaningless to me now. At this age, I do not have a career, no love life, no money and I have to go back to the kind of life that I totally dislike. How can I be possible happy at this point in time?
Yesterday, I just told my sister that I realise that at this point in time, I cannot think of anything else but my career. I felt that I need my career. It seems to me that whatever it is now, career seems to be the most important thing to me now. This sounds contradictory, but I have never wanted to be a career woman. All I wanted is to do something that I like. I know this path is long and hard. I choose it and I have to face all the consequences. This is the toughest time of my life. A crisis where I feel that my peers are all succeeding in every way of their life. Whether is it career or settling down, everyone seems to be happy, but not me. I think I brought this all up onto myself, all the sufferings.
My sister did mention that I cannot spilt my life into segments. Even though I do not have a career, I have to also look for someone to complete my life. But I simply cannot do that. I felt that part of me is so bothered by my career path that I do not even have the energy to think of other things.
I know my friend G is concerned about me, but I really do need space. Please stop calling me every day and ask me about the job interview. I am really tired of all these. If there is, then there will be an opportunity. Sometimes, I really like to be left alone. Why does nobody know that? I too have my own problems and I would like to have my time alone too. It doesn’t mean that I called and cried over the phone talking to you, means that I need to go out every day! I too, need time alone.
Anyways, this is another downturn to my life. I guess there will be a lot more of such phase in my life in future. How will I cope with it? I really don’t know…
